From Desi

Robert, Hey it's your little sister. Well actually your soon- to-be little sister. I just learned how to type without looking at the keyboard and keeping my eyes on the screen. Oh you better take really good care of my big sister or I'll have to get Joey to beat you up okay? Just playing!! Well I can't thing of anything to write about but I sure think you can. Sincerley, Desi p.s. write back!!!!

Disposable Contacts

Robert, I had an appointment for my eyes today. Guess what: I am allergic to my contacts and the storage solution I had been using. If I keep getting permanent pairs I have to replace them every 4 to 5 months before my eyes reject them. So I am now into disposable contact lenses. I told Dr. Wright that you (my fiance) use disposable lenses and he wanted to know what kind you use. I didn't know. What kind do you use? Where do you get them from? How much are they costing you? I am trying to decide if they are cheaper down here or up there. If I continue to go to this doctor he will only charge me $42 a check-up. He said that he would like to follow up and see how my eyes are doing. They usually do follow ups free if they are within the next month. He knows that I am leaving Saturday and told me that he won't charge me if I come in in December to get them checked. Cool! Robert, I only quoted the General Authorities because they said what I wanted to say in fewer words. I was not accusing you of ignoring their counsel. I am sorry if it felt like I was. I can't wait to see you. I will call you as soon as we arrive in Salt Lake and we can discuss when to get together. I love you. Honeymoon: Are you still worried about this? I love you. Have no fear, if we stay at a $7.50/night motel, I will be happy. If there is no scenery at all (this one is hard because even lying out in the middle of nowhere is scenic) I will be happy. I will be with you and that is what I want most. Anything else is just extra. I love you. I was writing this message when Desi told me, "say 'hi' to Robert for me." I told her that she could write you a message. So she is anxious for me to get off so she can write you. I love you and I will get to see you at least by Sunday which is only a few days away. I am so excited. That seems so close. I love you. Your loving friend, Wanda

Reply 1 - I love you

Robert, Children 1. Time: 2 or less. 3 is a little long. 2. Number: agreed. 3-7; around 5. 3. Birth Control: Natural methods strongly preferred. "If you were opposed to having kids then that is all you would hear from me is discussion about having them. However, since you also want to have them, I don't bring it up very often." I don't only want to hear from you when you disagree with something. I need to know that you are in agreement with it. Maybe this is where part of the confusion came in. I wanted children, but I never really heard a response from you. I love you dear, but I don't only want to hear your opinion when I look horrible or if I am a cold fish. I want to know when I please you too. Mistrust: I hope you trust me now and I don't want to do anything to break it. I won't be deciding on my own to have children. If it were just my decision, then that wouldn't be a good environment to bring our children up in. Both of us have to want and plan for them. Both of us will be in on the decision when to have children (not the milkman) unless it is a pure oops (like Felicia). If we get pregnant withing two years, and we have to postpone my schooling, then so be it. My mother has postponed her schooling and has taken a class here and there. She says that she would like to have her degree, but that she doesn't have any regrets because the joy we have brought her was so "exquisite." My patriarchal blessing says: "As you progress in your studies and the gathering of knowledge of all kind, you shall reach for the better things, those things that will be of the greatest advantage to you." Will raising children not be a "gathering of knowledge?" Which would be more of an advantage for us? Which is better? The choice spirits we will raise or my degree? Attaining a degree is a good back-up to provide for me and the children and that is the real reason I want it. I have always been happy as long as I am learning. I don't need a piece of paper saying that I have learned something (unless I need a job outside of the home). "I am quite certain that if you wanted to have children sooner than you would discuss it with me instead of making the decision yourself . . ." Yes I would. We will prepare and plan on having children together. If we are able of having children sooner, then we should talk about it before one us makes the decision. Number: Just as the timing is flexible, I think this should be too. 5 is a good number, but there are always those little surprises. My parents only had 5 until their last surprise came, and I can't imagine a life without Felicia. Birth control: Let's wait at least until we are both up at Weber to discuss this one. There are advantages and disadvantages to each method. The pill is definately out. I never thought I would find myself saying that, but I am so tired of being sick that I just don't want to take the last FOUR I have to take. I have now been on them 6 months. Morning sicknesses usually begins at about month 3 and ends at month 6. That's three months. My mother was pregnant from month 3 till she delivered. 6 MONTHS!!! If this is any indication of how I will feel, pregnancy will be a time to learn endurance. "I may be getting ahead of myself; I still haven't read your other letters." Getting ahead of yourself: Yes, we should be worried about how we are getting married and then how we are going to have sex. That might not sound right, but I hope you know what I mean. You could read a lot into that if you want to. I know that we have jumped into a lot of topics, but it is good that we are discussing these things now instead of after we get married. We will better understand how each other feels and know more what to expect when we are married. I am going to read and respond to reply 2 now. I hope that *I* haven't gotten ahead of myself. I love you, Wanda

Mom and Me

Robert, I left for the swap meet with my mother early this morning. I got home at 3:00 and left to pick up my father and when we got home he had to get on the computer to get his schoolwork done for class tomorrow. You haven't gotten any messages from me today and I felt kind of lonely not being able to read any of your mail or write any back to you. Reply 2 came in and then reply1, so now I get to read them and reply to you. They didn't come in until 10:17pm and 10:25pm (tonight). We are leaving Saturday. It looks as if Joey won't be able to come. My mother is worried that we won't get anything done. I guess she has been planning to get some things accomplished on this visit. We are still struggling to get along. Most of the time we do, but occasionally we have a hard time (about once a week). I wish I knew how to fix it. I will do whatever I can, if I only knew. I only have a hard time with her and she only has a hard time with me. I was talking to my dad about it earlier tonight and he didn't know what to do either. The sad part is, it isn't usually like this. I feel like she is trying to pick me apart and she feels like I am trying to push her out of my life. I know that I am not pushing her out of my life (and have even told her so), but I am trying to keep her in it and I doubt she is really trying to pick me apart. I went on a long walk today. I was talking to Heavenly Father and I kept remembering the blessing that Brian gave me. Even though I was troubled with didfferent matters, I feel that the counsel I received still applies and I haven't been following it. The blessing was rather long and gave me much advice and counsel. The direction was much needed then and I was grateful for it, I should be using it now. I only have four days, I hope it works. This is one of the last times I will be with my family and I don't want to remember it with all the turmoil I am feeling now. It sounds like I need to go write in my journal. I will go do that as soon as I am done writing you. Hmmm . . . if I remember correctly that was one of the things I was counseled to do that I haven't been doing. I forgot about that one. Usually when I write it helps clear my mind or at least put things in perspective so I can better deal with them. I am just afraid that I am going to botch it up and then *I* will be the one that won't talk to my parents (or at least my mother) for 2+ years. she already won't talk to me now. My dad has just told me that we need to just be civil to each other, but I don't want civility, that's what you get from a stranger. I want to feel like she is my mother/friend again which takes more than civility. I am going to start a new message or you will be hearing more about this. I can't seem to stop rambling about it. I love you. Thanks for being patient with me. Your friend, Wanda

Reply to Reply #2

Robert, You had said in reply 2 "Once we are a little settled - we have an apartment, cooking utensils, furniture, and I have a job - then we'll probably REALLY want children." If this is the case then we can discuss it then. Neither of us will know how we will feel 1 or 2 years from now. What if we have been married for 6 months and we really want children and are in a position to do so. I will be willing to postpone my degree if this is what we want at that time. I don't want to be tied to our previous decision. I am NOT saying that we should wait and see what happens, but I don't want to be held to what we have agreed upon. I don't want to hear "Well honey, we agreed that we would wait two years" and have the topic closed. I don't want what I am saying now to be held over my head. I don't think this is something YOU would do because you are very considerate, and that is an extreme case, but this was my point earlier when I asked if we could leave the topic open for discussion. This goes both ways. If I want children, I will come to you and discuss it with you. If you want children and I haven't said anything, come to me. I might have forgotten about the idea (I doubt this would ever happen). I might get wrapped up in studying. Or I might just be waiting for you to say something. Getting settled: I think our definition of this was different. I thought you were talking about waiting to strengthen our love. This is a common view that the world takes. I feel that our love should be strong enough to bear children if it is strong enough to get married. It didn't occur to me until just now that you are talking about having a place to live and you having a job with a steady income. For me this was a given. I wouldn't dream of planning on children if I can't plan on our next meal. It IS enough to know that you want children just as much as I do, if not MORE!!! I love you. This is what I needed to hear. I know that if you want them as much as I do, then you won't put them off until we don't have them. If we did this THEN I would have regrets. If we decide to have children in the first year of our marriage and it requires me to quit school, then I will. I will be just as happy having children. I don't think my mother has had time to regret not being done with school yet. Correct me if I'm wrong. I wouldn't quit school. I would just postpone it; taking classes when I can, when we can afford it, right? I don't want this to sound as if I am backing out of what we have talked about earlier or as if I can't make a decision. As it stands: we are going to wait for me to get at least close to finishing school. But I don't want either of us to discount other possibilities just because we decided one thing now. You had mentioned the possibility of me quitting school and us going to Los Alamos and starting our family right away. If we go to Los Alamos, then this might be the best thing to do. I could finish up my Associates (Hopefully this can be accomplished between UNMLA and Weber) shortly after we arrive (less than 9 months) and start work until I get pregnant. I looked at the catalog earlier and realized that going to school there might not be advantageous. I would be VERY, VERY happy if we were in Los Alamos and I was "bare foot and pregnant." I could pick up my degree along the way later. Robert, if this is what you want to do and feel that we can make it down there with a family, then we don't want to discount it just because we have decided to wait two years. I am sure we will talk more about this during the fall. I don't know why you thought this letter might be painful for me to hear. I rather enjoyed hearing how much you want to have children. It makes me really happy. Yes, I do realize that I'd have to sacrifice my degree in order for us to have kids one or two years sooner. Don't you think I would have thought about this? If we decide to have children early, or even if a surprise comes, then we will have to adjust and my education isn't going to be left unchanged. I will be willing to forgo my education if we have children early. I have weighed this and I am making an informed decision, I am not blind. You say the decision, in all reality is mine. This is not so. I may be birthing our family, but you will be supporting it. Driving to Vegas: I would love this. 6 months seems so long and I am not sure if I want to wait that long. No, I KNOW I don't want to wait that long, but we can. I know that the wait will be worth it if I get to have you. Present Choices: 1. Start a family right after we get married and I can quit school for a few years until we have the money to send me back. If we decide to do this, I am willing to postpone my education until we can afford it. I have no objections to this choice. Question: how soon is "right after we get married?" 2. Finish your degree and the we can have kids: I don't think a year or a year and a half is too long to wait. (If I am not mistaken this is the choice we are presently making.) I am trying to schedule my schooling so I can finish earlier than I originally planned. If we end up somewhere that I can't do this or if I decide it is too stressful to cram it, then let's seriously consider #1. 3. You can get a full-time job, I can get a part-time/full-time job, I can stay in school, we can start having kids and let someone else raise them for the first few years. I don't like this idea at all. If we let someone else raise the kids for the first few years, aren't we basically postponing raising them? Shouldn't we just wait until after I finish my degree (in #2) and postpone raising them THIS way when we can start with them when they are babies instead of when they are young children? Just a thought. I am going to go write in my journal. It is late and I am really tired. My fingers aren't allowing me to type. I will however, type more tomorrow. I love you. Forever yours, WMH

Love

Robert, I still haven't received your replies to parts 1 & 2. I don't know if it is still trying to send them or if they are permanently lost. When I did log on Julia had sent me a message. She writes to me after girl scouts. She had checked her message and gotten one from me last Thursday and wrote again today. She said that she would check them again this coming Thursday. She is really cool. I don't know if you will remember her, but she remembers you. We will have to show you the picture she has of you. Often times I would ask her if I could look at the photo album and I would go straight for your picture. I don't know if she knew the real reason I wanted to look at it, she might have guessed. My mother had me use this cream on my face. She said that it might get rid of the rest of the bumps. I figured it wouldn't hurt to try it, after all Joey had used it. she neglected to tell me that it kind of peels off the top layer of your skin. It has a burning sensation. My face looks like a bunch of red blotches right now. She says it will look normal in a few days. I certainly hope so. You already asked me to marry you, you can't back out now. It doesn't look that bad and it is only red and blotchy when I wash my face, and then it burns for a few minutes. I guess if it takes care of the bumps then it is okay, but I don't want to be permanently blotchy. Meanwhile I will just make sure I put on my make-up, that's what make-up does anyway -- even out your skin tone. Pell grant: I finally got a hold of a human being in the cashier's office (I did this Monday). I told her that I hadn't received my billing statement and therefore couldn't sign it. She said that when I return it, it activates my grant. She did it right then for me. Now I don't have to worry about it. Cool!!! I love you. You make me so happy. I only hope that I can make you as happy as you make me. You have brought so much joy and peace into my life that there aren't words to describe how I feel. I love you. That is the closest I can get. I am going to write Julia and Sean. He doesn't seem to write to me too often. No matter, we will both be in Ogden in less than a week and then we can call him. (We will probably even see him, after all, he WORKS at the halls.) We will even be able to call each other. But who wants to go to all that trouble when I can go over and visit you in
your room? After all, I have never really been a phone person. You can't make-out over the phone as easily as you can in person. I love you. After I go write Julia and Sean I am going to go to bed. Then I will wake up, go to exercise, and then I will come back and read a message from you. (I would read a message before exercise, but we usually leave at about 7:30 [8:30 your time] and you haven't written yet.) Oh, I forgot, mom and I are going to the swap meet tomorrow at 6:00 to get fabric to make shirts out of. I am so excited. Now that I know how to sew something, I will have to practice. Hopefully I will have a whole new wardrobe of T-shirts by the time I get up to Weber. I love you. Boy, I just began and ended the last paragraph with "I love you." Could I have done this because I love you? Well I do. There's no escaping it now. My love for you has no end so you will never be able to get rid of it. I will write to you tomorrow. I love you. Wanda

Homemaking

Robert, Tonight is homemaking. I am actually excited to go. I usually don't go to these. Tonight my mother is going to go to the T-shirt class. She is going to teach me how to make T-shirts when she gets back tonight. I am going to go to the stamping and embossing class. I am going to be able to make our thank-you cards for our reception. It should prove to be a lot of fun. I haven't heard from you. Can I call you tonight? What time will you be home? I have been playing Mah Jongg for the past half-hour and checking in between games to see if you have written me. I should have known that your phone number was 8714. My phone number in PT was 8711 (when I roomed with Megan) and there were only two more rooms on the floor. Oh well, now I know it for certain and I will call you when I get in Saturday. I hope we get in at a decent hour. Granted, I won't be the one driving, but I don't want to be on the road all day even if it is just as a passenger. By the way, the New Yorker was $35 a day. Dad said that it was an upgrade. They paid for an economy car, but they didn't have any left so they gave him the luxury car (the New Yorker) for no extra cost. The car mom and I are going to drive up to Utah is about $100-120 a week. Now you should have some idea. I am anxious to get back up to Ogden. Mainly because you will be there and we will be together. I am also anxious to get back in school. Homemaking is at 6:00. I am going to take a shower and then log back on to see if you have written me since. I love you very much and long to be with you and make you happy. I love you. WMH