Kisses

Robert, Yes, it was Wednesday night that we first kissed. It was exactly two weeks later (another Wednesday night) that we went back up and you told me that you loved me. I am also glad, in a round about way, that your car got hit. I am glad that you decided to kiss me, and yes YOU decided. I never would have, you used the "I never kiss a girl first" line. It was a decision that you made. Hence, YOU kissed ME. I am glad that you did though. I am glad that we went back up. I love you for telling me that you loved me. You said that night that there was something you were going to tell me, but weren't sure if you should. I am glad you did. In a way I feel like you have made all of the first moves. You were the first one to reach out for a hand (although yours is the first hand I ever let myself hold) and you were also the first to talk seriously of marriage. This feels right. Usually with guys I went out with I knew they wanted to kiss me, but half of them never would have so I had to taunt them beyond their control. I always regretted this later because I tired of them and had to tell them that I hadn't really fallen for them. I love you so much and I am glad I let myself kiss you and I am glad I let myself hold your hand, but most of all I am glad I let myself fall in love with you as hard as I have. Back on the subject. Usually I had to hint or taunt, it was part of the chase, but with you I gave you complete control. I didn't try to taunt you to kiss me. You initiated it. I didn't try to drag what you wanted to tell me out of you. Okay, maybe a little, but you let me know that there was something you wanted to say, I didn't guess and prod you until you told me. I love you for that. You took control. I have been missing that with any guy I ever dated. I am used to having the control in a relationship, usually the guy doesn't realize I ultimately can get him to do anything I want him to, and I usually did "manipulate" the situation to get what I wanted. I love you and want you and I freely give you the control (which is how it should be, you are the priesthood holder) I just never trusted anyone enough before to relinquish my power. I know that the last paragraph made me sound like a power hungry female who thinks she can have her way when she pleases. That is not the way it was meant. What I am trying to say is: There is a certain authority you have that I am willing to submit to. I have never been willing or trusting enough before to do so. It isn't that I didn't want to trust, I just didn't dare. I love you and you are my strength, my support, and you haven't abused the support or love I give you. With our Father on our side, we will continue to have this righteouss relationship throughout the eternities and I can't wait. I have to leave now. Work is calling. I am hungry. Ich habe Hunger. Ja Fa. Tengo mucho Hambre. Iyo Affirmato. Take a guess at what I am saying. (do ya' got it yet? It means I am hungry in a few different languages.) Try this German phrase. Ich liebe dich. For now I must go, but I will try to write more later. Love always, Wanda

12 . . .

Robert, It is 12 days and counting. I am so excited and anxious for you to get here. I can't wait to see you again. I am glad that you never tire of me telling you I love you. I DO love you and so you will have to put up with hearing it again and again while you are here. You said that we had talked the past 4 days, it WAS 5, and now it is 6. I talked to you Friday night (about Tim). I also talked with you Saturday day, Sunday (our only scheduled time), Monday night (I wasn't doing anything for the holiday), Tuesday night (I was scarred) and last night. I don't mind talking to you at all, I just don't want to look at my phone bill when it comes. It will arrive in about a week. Yuck!!! I will be fine. I just got paid (it was only for 8 days, but pay nonetheless) and it will be able to cover my bills, hopefully phone bill included. If it doesn't cover it, or I want to spend the money elsewhere, I will call my mom. She distinctly remembers missing my dad. Usually I can con Dad out of any amount of money, but Mom will be more useful to my cause in this instant. I love you and can't wait to spend eternity with you. Monday will be the two month anniversary of our first kiss. The one that started it all. A kiss has never had such an impact on my life. I wasn't going to date, I made and exception. When you fed me your "I never kiss a girl first" line, I knew what you were hinting at, I wasn't going to kiss you. I am glad that you persuaded me to do otherwise. It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss you, I did. I just didn't want to let myself get involved in any kind of a relationship that I would have to terminate later. I am glad that I didn't terminate this one. I am glad that I let myself fall. With anyone else I dated, I never let myself fall. The reason you are an exception is because I love you and this is an eternal love, not just an infatuation. The emotions that went with infatuation could always be controlled. I strongly believed in controlling them, mainly because I watched guys not control their emotions with me and it made life extremely difficult for me. I realize now, more than ever, how much Tim would like a wedge driven between us. He wouldn't do it himself, but nonetheless, he would like it done. In fact, I watch him control himself. Sometimes we will be down in the lobby, coincidence, with others, and he will have a strange look on his face. He won't say what he is thinking because they are "just thoughts and they are inappropriate." I am glad that he doesn't say anything to anyone because that would mean he is actively trying to pull you and I apart. He know how I feel for you, he knows how true it is, he knows I want to marry you, and he knows that I have received knowledge that I SHOULD marry you. He does not want to interfere in this, he does however want me to find him "a Wanda." I love you, you know that and so does Tim. He also knows that there is no earthly chance he will ever have me. He knows how strung up on you I am, for that matter, so does everyone else. You are all I ever talk about. My class is starting right now and I forgot about it. I am off, I love you, Wanda

I love you... again... and again...

Robert, I am going to send you a quick little note to let you know that I am on email. I will be on until 10:05, so if you want we can do a talk. I am going to send this to you and start responding to your message. I love you lots, Wanda

Jewelry

Robert, You are absolutely right, the ring is a mere symbol of a couples lasting love for each other, nothing more. That is why I am happy being "unofficially engaged." I know your love for me isn't measured by what's on my finger. I love you wether or not something is there. As far as I am concerned we could forgo the engagement ring and settle on a simple gold band. That is why I was picky at the jewelry stores. I couldn't stand to wear something gaudy. Now granted it is a sentimental piece of jewelry and that is one of the two reasons I would wear it (the other would be because you gave it to me). If you noticed, the extent of ornaments I wear are necklaces. I used to wear a pear of pearl (fake, of course) earrings, but then I lost one. Occasionally I might wear a pair of my "funky" ones, but that is if I think about it. The important thing is that I am dressed. My mother was going to get her engagement and wedding band resized and melded together (my dad still has his one) but when our house burned down we had looters come and take them. This saddened my mother a great deal, not because they were worth a lot (I don't have a clue as to if they were or not) but because they had a lot of sentimental value. I love you and what ever ring you choose I will cherish for the rest of my life, (even if it came out of a cracker jack box, and I am not joking. I love you and I will love what you pick). As to my being jealous, that isn't something to discuss at this time and location. You can't ask me to not be jealous, I probably always will be, less with time though. It doesn't really matter now. What matters is that I love you and that you love me and I know that you love me. You told me so and I trust anything you tell me (with the exception of you leaking information on purpose to lead me astray, I have a hard time believing that one). I will love you always and my love will never fade nor die. It is constant and it is for you. You talked of girls waiting for missionaries and not marrying them. My opinion on this is that it was never really right, that's why they usually found someone else, and if they didn't find someone else they still discover that their feelings for each other had changed. The only missionary I waited for was back two months after I started waiting for him. I found that I wasn't in love with him, that I was only in love with the letters that he would write me. It is easy to talk with others when you miss someone you love. It helps ease the pain. I find though that the subject I talk most of is you. There is no possible way on earth I could lose memory of you. Even if we had to write on snail mail (although our phone bills would be even worse off). It wouldn't happen in three months, it wouldn't happen in three YEARS because I love you and ONLY you. No one else. No one else is as important to me as you are. You always will be my number one guy. You should be confident that you will never lose me for I am "genuinely constant." I love you. I am going to start my next letter now because your next few letters tak about the ring and I have a lot of info for you on that. I love you and always will. I will always be here for you and I know that I am getting the same in return, that is what makes this "true" love. I will hear from you again soon, but until then I love you. I love you. I love you. I can't say it enough. I love you. I love you. I love you I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. . . . . . Love always, Wanda

"The Slip" *oops*

Robert, I am dedicating this whole letter to the slip you made about that little item you will be slipping on my finger. (okay, it's a littly dry, but kind of cute, right?) No, I don't think it is hard for you to keep a secret. As I said in one of my earlier letters, you haven't divulged the ACTUAL time or place, or HOW. You better have that one planned too. You don't talk about it much. You didn't even know how you slipped, you were lost at first. I think it is cute. You can't keep anything from me. I know that you are still being careful, but try as you might, (even if you succeed) I am still having fun taunting you. What I deduced does mean something. I do know that you are planning on being closer to your mother than your mom and dad. The only way you could make me believe different is to actually change your mind and do it somewhere else and then tell me that is where you were planning on doing it the whole time. I know you wouldn't do this (for one, you couldn't keep that up forever) and you seem to have someplace really special in mind. You do have me confused because I don't know of anyplace that is special to us that is closer to your mother than your mom and dad. I can't tell you how I know that you didn't mean to slip, I can try to explain it to you in person, but not the written word. I am going to go now because I have three lab projects to do in a half hour. If I had a chance I would do them tomorrow, but I don't. I don't really want to do them over the weekend either and besides the lab hours are so bizarre. I love you, slips and all. I will write you tomorrow when I get a chance. Hopefully I will be able to write sometime during the day, but if not I am sure these last few letters will keep you busy. Love, Your unofficial fiancee, Wanda

work

Robert, Yes it is too bad they want me to work and I wish that I had time to get some studying done while I was at work, but they keep me busy. I guess I shouldn't complain. I like my job. I like the people I work with. The faculty is really cool. I just wished that they paid me more for the work I do. When fall comes I will look for a better part time job, off campus, or I will look for a second part time job that will work around that job and my school hours. This way I can save and make more money. I was going to try to call Jenn today at 4:00, but I haven't been home yet. I will try to call her when I get home after this (9:10 or so). I will also try to call Randy. I wish I had more time to do stuff like this. I did call for your appointment time while I was at work. You are scheduled to register at 9:40am on Monday, July 11th. Have fun getting your classes. Letter #2 What are you/did you finish your roll of film on? Are you that anxious? I can't believe it. Soon we will have to have pictures done of us together. If for no other reason, we will have to have wedding announcements done. You are right, I will still prod Jenn for imnformation, but you are a better source than she is. I know that you were trying to convince me that you made that mistake on accident, but I know better than that. I will give you reasons for that later. I do love you and I am sure that you are not going to divulge the ACTUAL time and place. I am just having fun watching you slip when I am not even plugging you for information. You are so cute (and a nice guy). I love nice guys (or at least 1 nice guy). I am glad that you have been picky your whole life. It makes me feel so special to know that I passed your test and that you're not just setteling for me. I hope you know that you have passed my picky test. Emily used to tell me that I should lighten up on my wants. The only problem is they weren't wants, they were needs and you fill every single one. A marriage with anyone else wouldn't have lasted if I would have let ONE thing slide. I couldn't settle. As the song by Boy Howdy goes, "she won't settle for less than true love," and I didn't, now I have found it. I love you. I am going to go now, but I still have plenty more letters to write and at least twice that many to respond to. I love you and am happy because I know that you love me. That is what is really important. Love forever, (no less) Wanda

I love you too!

Robert, This will be the last letter I will respond to from yesterday's mail. I wish I could have responded to it yesterday and been able to start on some of today's mail while you were on the computer today. I am going to respond to some of the letters together, that way we will have fewer responses (longer letters) and I will be able to respond to a higher percentage of the mail that you send me. Not that I don't want to take more time on the vax, there just isn't the time. I still have to get my computer work done for my computer class. Oh JOY! I miss you so much, and I am also counting the days. The only reason I am not counting the hours is because it would seem like so much. For now I will be satisfied with two weeks or thirteen days. I love you. I find that I can't tell you that I love you enough, so you better not get sick of hearing it because you will be hearing it plenty more. I DO love you and it hasn't become just something I say. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. The only way I could possibly love you more is to wait until tomorrow. I don't know if I told you about my appointment with Dr. Kidman, but it went well. He didn't remember my grade, but he did remember my name and what quarter he had me, which I think is pretty impressive in itself. I am going to start on some of the letters that you sent me today. I will respond to two or three at a time. This way they will be able to be longer in the long run. They won't tonight though because I have my projects to do. I will however be able to devote more time to your mail in the future. I love you very much and I am looking forward to seeing you in 13 days. Love always, Wanda