Last night

Robert, I printed this message out so I could respond to it part by part. It disturbs me somewhat because I have not explained myself well.I am going to call you tonight and, in addition, I will call you on Sunday. As I believe I expressed in my last letter, not being with you is not, I repeat, NOT an option and I am sorry if you felt that it was. Post-poning the wedding is also NOT an option. There is no way in Heaven (ha-ha) that I could do that. You are right, WHEN we get married (and the Spirit has let me know that we should) we will be as one. I will go with you. The issue with me and school, wasn't an issue of wether I should be with you or follow you. I told you I would and that was sincere, it came from the heart. You told me once taht you loved me because I was genuine and constant. Robert, if I am constant, then I am constantly genuine. If I wasn't genuine in saying that, then I am not what you know me to be and you shouldn't marry me. Back to what I was saying, I wasn't worried about wether or not I could follow you. What I was worried about was where I was going to fit a wedding in with going to school. I don't want either of us to feel pressured. You gave me the option of getting married in December and that relieved a lot of the pressure I was feeling. Surely if we get married in December you can still go to work in Los Alamos. Robert, I meant it when I told you I don't have to go to Weber. Many people transfer from school to school everyday. I have already transfered once. There is a lab aid that occasionally works here (he has been married for four years) and Weber is his fourth school. Even if you get a job in the middle of the ocean I WILL follow you. I believe with all my heart what my mother said. I even believed it before she said something to me. The ONLY reason she told me this was to see if I would postpone our marriage, not because I have a lack of commitment to you. New Mexico is still an option. I am sure that I can go there for 2 quarters, or more if necessary. 6 - 9 months is plenty of time for this. We would just have to be there when winter quarter started which would mean we would have to be married over Christmas break. I want you to KNOW, not just believe or hope, that I am commited to marrying you. Both of my parents see this and that is the ONLY reason they are supportive of my marrying you. One of the things that my mother told me is that your number one responsibility is to support a family and that my number one responsibility is to support you in doing this. I have had a good example of this. I have watched my mother. Robert, it isn't because she told me this that I believe it, it is because I know that that is how an eternal family functions. Because of this I know that my education is second. If the need does arise, I will give up my education for a time, only because I love you and I need to be completely supportive of you or our marriage wouldn't work. I not getting married to get divorced. That is why I have prayed so earnestly for an answer. I have to KNOW that you are the right one, and I do. Robert, I have moved around ALL of my life. I don't even have to accomodate to it any more. I did at one time, but that was when I was 8 years old and missed my friends. Life would be strange to settle down somewhere for more than 3 years. I WILL move wherever you get a job and I am sorry if I let you understand that I wouldn't. I have decided now, and I decided this long ago (it hasn't and won't change) that I want to marry you. I want to be together with you at all times and in all places. Don't read anything into my "not wanting to be apart from you in the Winter." It means simply that and only that. I don't want to be away from you, EVER. This is one reason I want to marry you. So I don't have to ever be apart from you again. I agree. Your career IS paramount. Soon enough we will have a family and we will need to support them. I may not be working, but I will be supporting them by supporting you. I fully understand our financial standing. I have a job that will only pay 4.50 an hour. I have a loan (it may only be $400, but it is a loan nontheless) and not much money in the bank (it isn't even worth counting. We will both be finishing school (I can get a Pell Grant, and I know that you can't because you will now be working on your MBA). I also realize that getting married costs a fortune (and not just the ring). If it takes moving to Los Alamos, I can still go to school down there, if necessary, as long as we get there before the quarter starts (and that is now possible because you have brought up the possibility of getting married in December.) You say that we must decide if getting married is what we still want to do and if we are committed. I always have been (wanting to get married & committed to it) and always will be. I am sorry if I let you believe otherwise. I surely did not mean for it to sound as if I wasn't. I said it before and I will say it again. I love you and I will do whatever it takes to get married and make it work. Some of the things you said in the letter hurt, but I hope that that too is a misunderstanding, I realize how easily things can be misunderstood. It seems that I am always apologizing for something I didn't say quite right. I am sure that I need to work on this more. Robert, this IS a two-way relationship. If I wasn't committed to it, I would have gotten out of it LONG ago. I never let things get too far that I am not committed to. You don't need to give up Los Alamos. You said that it is a done-deal. I hope taht you didn't burn any bridges. We may still need to go there. I AM willing to go wherever you need to go, be it now, or in the future. I was right I was here another half hour or so (50 minutes). I love you very much and am glad that we didn't let it build into an argument. If I don't talk to you until Sunday, remind me then to tell you of Katrina's Mom's promise to her aunt. I love you dearly and know that you do too. All I want is for this to work and I know that if we keep working on it it will work. Just because we have decided to get married doesn't mean it will get any easier, but we will be together working on it. I love you and rest assured that I am FULLY committed. Love, Wanda