Debi and Sally

Oh Robert, I love you so much!!! You have no idea how much simpler and funner you make my life. You state the obvious which is often something I overlook and it is usually the best answer. I think our reception will be a lot more entertaining. I want everyone to have fun, including us. Julia has had plenty of experience and is very practical when it comes to money. (She is even Vice President of a credit union in Salt Lake.) I think the reception center in South Jordan will be fine, but we can still go and look at it. We won't have a strawberry wedding cake, don't worry, but what flavor would you like it to be? Please not chocolate. Yes, I am being honest when I say that I eat more when I am with you. When school is in I don't eat a lot because I am not around food a lot, I am always in class. Now I tend to eat more (because I am home more often and there is a constant supply of food). Please don't wait for me to say something to get food. Oftentimes I am hungry and I don't realize it. Also, you need to eat. If you don't, then you might get grumpy or something and I want to keep you happy. Sacrament Meeting: You will barely be my husband by 24 hours, I don't want to be away from you for even an hour. Back to intimacy: I trust you too much now: With enough encouragement you could break down my control. It is good that you have control a lot of the time, but it is the time that you don't have control that I am worried about. On our wedding night there can't be too much trust and I would prefer that neither of us controll any desires. Is it bad for me to tell you that I trust you with me? Maid of Honor: Thank you for telling me that I don't have to choose right away, that part was really stressing me out. My mother told me, "It's your decision, make it." When I don't want to make a decision I usually avoid it until it causes problems. When I was 7 years old I got 1/3 of a toothpick stuck completely in my heal. I knew that if I told my mother she would take me to my grandmother's and they would dig it out -- that would be a painful experience. I didn't know which was worse, the pain from the toothpick or the pain of them digging it out. I avoided telling my mom. A month later it got extrememly infected and my mother found out (I started limping) and took me to my grandmother's and they dug it out. You think I would learn from this. Deciding on who I want to be my Maid Of Honor is a hard decision that I have been dreading making. I know that I will sooner or later, but I don't want to. You make it sound so simple and brought up many points that were obvious that I didn't and should have considered. Thank you. Hopefully our marriage will have lots of these. I believe that we will make life easier together. It sure is harder to be apart. (By the way, my mother, chiding me about the amount of time I spend on the computer, said that we should just get married. SOON.) I love you. I talked to Debi on the phone Saturday. She is the one that was going to get married. I commented that she will have to find dates so we can double with her in the Fall. You will get to meet her. She is really awesome and it is because of her that I survived El Centro, although she will tell you that it is because of me she got out of El Centro. You are correct, Sally and I didn't become really good friends until Spring quarter (I didn't meet you until the end of Spring quarter though). I have always felt that Sally love and friendship is pending what I do or how I act towards her. She is a really neat person. I just hit it: Debi would take it just fine if I chose Sally to be my Maid of Honor. The reason Debi is still in the running is because I want her to be. She is the one who I feel closer to, that I want to share this special day with. I guess that kind of solves it, huh? Debi and I got to know each other when I moved to El Centro. We became almost inseperable when I changed my Chemistry class from 7th to 5th period my junior, her senior year. We did everything together. Her influence has always had a positive effect on me, king of like Julia's (at Weber). Sally's has always been kind of neutral. I have never done anything wrong with Sally, but I have never felt encouraged to do anything right. You are right, if Sally doesn't understand that I want Debi in that position, then her love is conditional, and unhealthy. I think that in some ways I would be rather hurt if this was the case. Not only is she possesive of me because you have come into my life, but she has a hard time if I have another friend. She always like Annette and Connie, but she always seemed to monopolizing someone. Desi had a hard time initially, but she is still excited for me and she is over that now. She knows that you aren't taking her place. I think Sally feels this way. I don't think I feel as close to Sally as Debi because Sally won't let me get close. I know that Sally has let me get closer than she lets others, but I know that there is a lot of turmoil that she isn't letting anyone see. There are a lot of troubled waters behind that bubbly face. I know that Debi and I will remain good friends throughout the year. I am not sure how Sally will take it. This is another issue. I guess I am kind of waiting to see how she takes our engagement in the fall, see if she can accept you and I being together all the time. I am not too worried about anyone stealing the stage. You and I are the centerpiece. A lot of people will be coming to see us, not Sally. She might feel a little left out. At first I felt that Sally should hold this position, but during the last week of school and the next two weeks following school I began to doubt. This is why I was a little unsure whenever we would bring up Sally. Debi and I helped each other endure El Centro. I had just moved here and she was a convert of a year. Both of us had been feeling as if we were being snubbed. We knew we weren't, but everyone already knew everyone and they didn't need anyone else in their happy little group. Debi was starting to waiver a little in her testimony and I was really beginning to hate church. The only reason I still went was for me. Debi and I started going home together for lunch (we would study right before chemistry) then we did things at night. Debi really began to trust me, and I trusted her. When I moved up to Salt Lake my senior year, she moved up to Provo. We kept in touched and visited each other quite often. I even went down there and stayed a couple of weekends. We set each other up on dates and had lots of fun. You mentioned telling Sally that I promised Debi long ago that she would be my Maid of Honor. Debi and I often said that we would invite each other to our weddings. If she had gone through and been married, then she would be attending the Temple ceremony with us. Even though Debi and I have taken different geographical courses, our spiritual courses have been the same. You commented that Sally will find someone some day. This might sound mean at first, but wait for me to explain. I doubt she will find someone, at least in the near future. Sally needs to learn to trust others. Right now she only trusts females, SOME females, and not even completely. She doesn't attach herself well and when she does it may not be a good attachment. I also don't feel that Sally does things for the right reason. She also needs more of a spiritual foundation. She likes church,but she only went the two times during the year because Connie and I were going. I think she kind of believes the church is true, but only because she has been LDS all her life. I think if she were thrown out of Utah then her faith would be severely shaken. The only reason she wants to go on a mission is because there is a good chance she will go on a foreign mission and will be able to travel. Hurting Sally: This is the one thing I don't want to do right now, but I don't want to sacrifice anything for it. I almost feel like I am being selfish. You said that Sally would bounce back. She would indeed bounce back, but only on the outside. She would never let anyone know that she has been hurt and would never resolve it. This is really a touchy issue and I am not sure how I should handle it. Bride's maids and ushers: We would only give them these "names" and have them stand in the picture of "close friends." My bride's maids will include: Sally, Jenny, Julia and possibly Emily. I would like to give my sisters the title of "Flower Girls" this way they feel special and have a part. Even though they don't do anything. My mother will make them special dresses and th
ey will feel on top of the world. My mother just came in and asked, "are you on there again? This is worse than a horny woman." My parents think this is very humorous and refreshing to watch. They remember the two years they were engaged. They are also happy to see that I am so wrapped up and committed to someone and that the feeling is mutual. I think the four guys should have tuxes (the men in the main wedding party) and a special dress done for the Maid of Honor. Everyone else can just choose dark suits or dresses in the wedding colors. It is common for us to send swatches (pieces of material colored in the wedding colors) to the "extra" attendants and members of the family so they can match the rest of the wedding party for pictures. It IS understandable if someone doesn't have the funds for a new dress, in that case they will still be able to find something that matches well. The dresses Desi and Cherstin and Felicia have will match, but it will be as if they weren't family and were buying new dresses. My mom will help make Debi's, but this is because she is THE attendant. You said that you will wear a tux and that this goes without saying. My father didn't wear a tux. Their wedding was very small and very intimate. After all, my dad was in the military. Find the slush recipe and we will use it. I want you to feel like you are included with the planning and can have things that you want to. I am not partial to any particular slush recipe. Graduation: I want you to attend you Bachelor's graduation. This will give me the option of attending the graduation ceremony for my Bachelor's degree. Right now my Bachelor's seems so far off that I don't really care much. My feelings might change in the future though. I am glad that both you and your dad will teach me how to ski. I think it will be fun learning, mostly because I will be with you. If you are willing to try country dancing I am willing to try skiing. Sally and Debi: 1. Where did I meet them: Sally: at the front desk Debi: at church and chemistry in El Centro 2. How long have you been friends: Sally: closely, 1 quarter Debi: closely, 2 1/2 years 3. How often do you see each other? Sally: during school, I saw her a lot. Debi: when we were in the same city we saw each other a lot, now we visit when we can and just enjoy talking or going to a movie. 4. Who was the best friend TO me? I usually don't think of this. Is that wrong? I am usually more concerned about how I am treating others than how others are treating me. If I think about it, Debi's friendship has been more selfless and giving, Sally's has taken from me, but nothing that I haven't freely given. 5. Who will still be friends with you after we marry? I know that Debi will, I am unsure about Sally. When I told Sally that I wanted to marry you she almost went into a shock. She couldn't believe that I was doing this. She told me that I was going to desert her just like everyone else. When I told Debi she congratulated me. She was very happy that I found someone that I wanted to spend the rest of eternity with. I feel much better with the spirit that Debi brings about. 6. What do your parents say? They tell me that it is my decision and that I need to make it. They are on the reverse end of you. They know Debi, but they don't know Sally. My mom won't even help me figure out how to make a decision. You have done this for me. Thank you. I know that need to enlist Heavenly Father's help and I hadn't thought of this. Surely he knows how to ensure my happiness better than anyone. I should have thought of this but was too confused and had avoided the subject until I couldn't think straight about it. I love you. 7. What do *I* want the most? I feel it best to have Debi hold the position. I feel closer to her and I feel that she would share this day better. 8. What are the advantages of choosing one over the other? Choosing Sally: feathers won't be ruffled and future communication would be helped. Choosing Debi: The above reasons listed in the letter. We will talk about this later. Thank you for helping to put my mind at ease. I love you. We will talk more about this after I pray to confirm my feelings and thoughts on this issue. I will write more tomorrow, my mind was heavy with ideas, but is now beginning to clear up. I love you. Wanda