grades

Robert, I think it is sweet that you are concerned about my grades, but my grades in Spring were just that, MY grades. I believe I will do better. Don't worry about taking my study time away when I talk to you on the phone. I will find time to study. I have so far. I should try to do better though. Robert, I do worry about not writing to you. I want to. Checking a message doesn't help either because I have just as much time to read as I do to write and I would much rather write to you so we hear from each other. I NEVER want our relationship to be one sided, and I know it won't be. You said you wonder why I listen to others so much. Don't worry, it is just that, listening. I don't think they know that I will eventually do things my own way. I will. This is one of the reasons I am going to marry you. If I would have heeded to the advice of others, I probably wouldn't have continued to date you. I am not sure who said what, but a lot of people told me that you dated their old room mates, or you dated a friend of theirs. They often told me this to "warn" me that you come on to a lot of girls. If I would have listened to any of this, I wouldn't have felt special and would have never fallen in love with you. I love you, not what people do or do not say. I am sorry if my words come across as questioning. I definately don't mean for them to be and in the future I will try not to do this so much. I lot of times they might sound questioning because I am questioning you and how you feel. NOT in a negative way, but I want to hear your answer without any bias. I will definately watch about how I may talk about other guys to you. I want you to know (before I leave this subject) that the words of others carry no weight in how I feel. I wonder if I come across as paying mind to the comments of others because you usually get everone's advice before making a final judgement. The ONLY advice that I took before committing myself to you, was Heavenly Father's, and NOBODY is going to make me see something different. Robert, I love you, no one else. No matter what anyone else's efforts are, this will never change, you know that. I am sorry that it hurts you when I tell you what others say. Keep in mind that I also tell you the good things people say. I will emphasize the latter more. Please understand why I do tell you about the mean things that people say. Sometimes it sounds like you pay more attention to them than I do. I think I tell you what they say because no matter what I tell them, they will not believe me. I don't expect them to believe me, they don't know you, or me. But when I tell you it is because I need some positive energy. Robert, these aren't conversations that I willingly engage myself in, they aren't even conversations. I avoid these people other than just passing them on the stairs, or if they join themselves in with someone else I have been talking to. I need to hear that you love me. Not because I doubt it, but because you counteract their words and actions. They wouldn't be telling me these things if you were here, but I have to face the fact that you aren't here. The best I can do is to tell you what they have said. I know that you love me, I don't doubt that, I haven't doubted it, and I never will. This is my way of having you hold my hand when you are not here. You ward off all of the predators. I know that I haven't adequately expressed why, but I hope that you have some idea and know that I don't say these things to hurt and I don't want to hurt you. Please know that the only conversations about you and me that I engage myself in is Julia. She makes me happy. She knows that I love you and that I am going to marry you. She is also there for a reality check. If it weren't for her I wouldn't get my homework done. She keeps me down to earth. I love you and if it hurts you then I will mention it no more. I just felt that I talked with you about everything and told you everything that was going on in my life. You certainly know more about me than anyone, even John. I never told you anything to get a rise or a reaction out of you, but you will hear no more of it. I love you and I want you to be happy and worry-free. It looks like I won't have any more time to respond to another message. There are 4 that I have left to respond to and I have to dig out the ones that you started to ask me the Bishop's questions on so I can re-respond to them. I love you very much, but I have to get something to eat, stop at the bank, and do my stock portfolio at the library before 6:00. I love you and will write more letters to you when I get out of my institute class tonight. Eternally yours, Wanda