From Mom

-Robert, Mom wants to write a letter to you. Here she is:

Robert---- Are you male or what???????!!!!!!!!!?!!?!?!?!??!?!? I think most of the stress that you are feeling right now is of the unknown and wanting to do it right but ascertaining what "right" is. I could be wrong, but I think that this will all come to a head in a few day as you and Wanda come to some definite conclusions. I think that as soon as you feel more settled and on a united path the stress will become manageable. Sometimes the groom and family can feel that they are not even players in the show....we certainly don't want you to feel that way....your concerns and feelings about this day are just as important as Wanda's. I suspect that part of the problem is that in desiring to find out the "right" way to do things and to have it be special that you and Wanda have gone off looking and listening to what others have to say, what they have done, and what they would suggest....now you have lots of information and sometimes that is the biggest problem!!! Now it is time to weed through it all and work together to find what it is that you both want. There really isn't a "right" way to get married----EXCEPT IN THE TEMPLE!!!!! At this point what you and Wanda decide should be based on what is financially prudent [NO DEBT!!!!!---excuse me---but that is my motherly responsibility and instinct coming out----guess you'll have to get used to that!!!! (WINK)], your united and personal tastes, and desired outcome. Yes, there will probably be some things that would be good ideas i.e. you in a tux (not mandatory but certainly lends to the unique and special feelings of this day) and it probably would be nice to have your best man and the fathers be in tuxes as well. I think you might also consider flowers for the bride (WINK) and even coursages and boutenierres but those can easily be worked into the scheme of things so that costs are kept to a minimum. It isn't something that has to be decided right now and if you guys keep attendants down then it becomes even less of a burden. I don't think that you will have to worry about it appearing "cheap" if what develops is something more intimate and personal...and that can evolve into something quite elegant and memorable or casual and personal, depending on your mutual desires for the celebration of this most blessed event.. I know that this isn't my arena---but I told you that you'll have to get used to this---this counsel even applies to the honeymoon!!!!!!!! To be quite honest----it wouldn't matter where you go or what you do...you probably won't take that much advantage of that kind of scenery anyway!!!! You'll have to explain this to Wanda as it is lost on her but I'm assuming that you get what I mean and will be able to help her in this lack of knowledge and experience when the time comes!!! You may want to consider your first night someplace nice---but trust me---even if it isn't, it won't matter, it'll be one of those tales that gets enjoyed throughout the years and gets better and better. Also---the chances are pretty good that that night will not be everything you anticipate (or Wanda for that matter) as you will both be exhausted and things will be somewhat tense....not that you can't plan to try and eliminate that as much as possible. But the real enjoyment will come as the whirlwind settles somewhat and you are both able to relax. I don't know...everyone and every situation is different but I have heard of lots of brides who have had "Aunt Flow" come unexpectedly and there are lots of grooms and brides that fall asleep only to find that the night has passed uneventfully...I know...I doubt that this will apply to either of you...but don't be surprised if things don't go as expected. Now Wanda wants me to relate something from a personal side...When Rich and I were married he was stationed at Shaw AFB in S.C. My folks were in Germany, and my grandmother (Wanda is her namesake) and Aunt Juanita gave me a very, very, small open house. Rich had driven out to Utah and we were married in the Manti temple. By the time that we got back to my grandmother's home (in Springville) it was late afternoon. We had anticipated that we would spend the night in Cedar City, on our way back to S.C. By the time the open house was over and we were packed the car was so full that there was no place for me to sit. We crammed in anyway and headed out. We got to Spanish Fork---knew that we couldn't go any farther and so found a hotel. Now it was BYU graduation week and there wasn't anything available except for a dive called Hubbel's. Rich rented the room ($7.50 ---that kind of dive!!!) and then when we were going to the room he went back to the clerk to make sure it had a TV!!!! I can guarantee that the tv wasn't even turned on. I can also gurantee that it didn't matter that the place was a dive. I was so grateful to be in his arms and to be together that the furnishings (lack of) were not even noticed (not too much anyway) and through the years we have laughed and enjoyed the special intimacy that comes from really good memories and our first night together. I know that Rich died a hundred deaths but it really wasn't important except that it has become something unique to us and maybe even a hallmark of our life together----laugh and make lemonade when life hads you lemons and "united we stand and divided we fall." The rest of our trip to S.C. was interesting too, but what was important was that we were together...if you and Wanda spend nothing but a few days really getting to know one another and do a few things that you mutually enjoy or have a common goal---it will be memorable. I hope you know that you can really talk to us about these things. We've been where you are now and we have every desire that this be a wonderful and memorable occasion for you both. You'll never get married again (I hope) and as important as this day is, we wouldn't want it to be marred by unwarranted stress about unimportant things!!!! Well, I could go on and on...don't mean to take up your time...but I would counsel you to relax and enjoy the process. Make this something that you and Wanda want, be considerate of families, but be true to the Lord and yourselves first, always. If you are, you will always know happiness, security, and peace...I promise. Love, Mom