Honor

Robert, thank you for replying to my last letter. I needed a voice of reason that would calm me down. Can we talk about it later? On a lighter note: I am glad that you got the script done. You talked about it in your last three messages, it must have been really time consuming. Moving to Utah: It is set, I will move into the Halls the night of the 18th, we might arrive earlier, but I am not going to worry about it, I am just going to let it happen (or I might get into another fight with my mother). As I am responding to letters I realize that we talked about a lot of it last night on the phone. These now seem like old news. I would much rather talk with you so I am glad we did. I love you. Attendants: Robert, I have talked with my mother extensively about this. She brought up some points that are very valid and I feel that we should consider before making a complete and final decision. Instead of me trying to ineptly reitterate her words, I am going to have her type them to you herself. >From Mom: I'm not certain why I'm writing this....probably because there seems to be some need on Wanda's part.... I was under the impression that you and Wanda had settled on having just a Maid of Honor and a Best Man...Wanda tells me that you've also been discussing having complete lines...when she asked about dress I thought that I had more latitude in which to bring up some points to consider, so here goes: 1) The purpose of groomsmen and bridesmaids are not "functional" in an LDS wedding. Rather, they become your honorees, so to speak. They are people that are very important to you and you wish for them to hold a more official or symbolic position in your celebration. The significance of that designation is not lost on most people and they usually feel honored to have the title and function. 2) Coming from large families and have greater maturity and experience you both have vast numbers of people to consider when you choose ....which is somewhat different than Jo Blo who grew up in the same town and never left, etc. etc. 3) Greater numbers in the wedding party=greater costs. 4) By cutting the official party to just a Best Man and Maid of Honor cuts the $ costs tremendously...but perhaps more importantly, it also eliminates worry, confusion, and frustration...it also can minimize the potential hurt feelings of those prospective honorees particularly when the list is long. 5) Wanda said that you were discussing having additional attendants or "honorees" unofficially. I would STRONGLY suggest that you both consider the INFERRED message that EVERY one will get..."YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME, I WANT YOU TO CELEBRATE THIS DAY WITH ME, I WANT TO HONOR YOU WITH THIS SIGNIFICANT TITLE, BUT I'M TOO CHEAP (WAY TOO CHEAP!!!!) TO MAKE IT OFFICIAL AND HAVE YOU IN MY LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 6) I don't think that is the message you want delivered. When you limited attendants you in essence said "THIS IS THE BEST OF THE BEST" which everyone understands. You eliminated lots of hurt feelings, having to make weird and strange decisions based on who-knows-what criteria, AND lots of money. A special invitation and request for special people to help in your celebration can serve as a way of honoring them and allows them to participate more fully in the celebration without adding to the costs and without causing conflicted feelings, i.e. Julia to help supervise the children with the receiving, recording, and displaying of gifts. These people could all be asked to help you and join the "wedding party" by wearing clothes which designate them as more closely attached to you but without the costs of tuxes, dresses, flowers, hats, canes, etc., etc. You would certainly thank them with a small but appropriate gift and thank you. You would certainly want them in some of the "official" photos. It could vastly increase the man-power to put on the shin-dig, give them reason and opportunity to feel involved and loved and appreciated, and allow you to spend the time surrounded by people you love and care about without you getting tied in knots about who to choose, how many to choose, and do you need a co-signer for a loan. 7) Using people in this way will actually help you to better anticipate, plan, and organize the events you are planning...more stress in the beginning but hopefully LOTS less in the end. 8) I think that the very things you want to avoid and DO avoid by opting for just a Best Man and Maid of Honor may very well be created by honoring them in an"unoffical" manner. Robert, these are just points that you might consider. That's the way I veiw it, it doesn't necessarily mean that that is the way your guests are going to see it, but I feel that some of them might. >From me (the soon-to-be Mrs. Husted): I think that we should discuss this further and make a decision. No matter what luxury the computer/email is, we can't "discuss" something of this importance this way. This is one reason why I am anxious to get back to Weber, we can hold conversations. I never have been able to fully express how I feel when I write. I have to go with my mother and run errands right now. Sorry it took so long to respond, but we just got back from her exercise class and it takes my mother forever to write a letter. I love you and I will write as soon as I get back. Your eternal friend, Wanda