My Fatal Flaw

Robert, I will reply to your last letter first and then I will reply to the others. I have been running errands with mom all day (argument free) and just got home. I love you too. You are not adding to my stress. It really came this morning when my mother and I were arguing about her indicision. She doesn't seem to realize that right now a lot of my plans do depend on her and I am greatly affected when she decides to change her mind. I just have to learn to not take anything she says as if its really going to happen. It's hard, I have been on my own without her and haven't had to depend on her decisions. My mother had me read parts of the message that you wrote to her. That does kind of stress me. I am -- kind of flattered. You are very concerned with what I want to happen in the reception. Singling out the Maid of Honor and Best Man was originally OUR idea. When I told my mother about it she knocked it down (this was when she ASSUMED that I wanted a large reception, just as every other girl. Often times a girl dreams of the reception on her wedding day as being big, but I never did. When I told my mom this, she was suprised.). After talking about several different items she suggesting limitting the attendants. I quickly reminded her that this is what I originally suggested (while we were still in Salt Lake). She said that this was BEFORE she knew that I didn't want a gaudy affair. Back to the original point, if you do or don't want something, TELL ME!!! If you don't want to title the attendants (which I am fine with), then tell me. I was kind of doing this for you. When we had gone ahead with the line you had named people you would put in (such as Jenn) and I figured titling them would be okay. When my mother told me the problems that might be associated with this I figured I couldn't tell you in quite the same words so I had her explain it. After watching The Lion King I thought that you wanted to talk to Rob and company. You had thought that I wanted to talk. I think that this is a similar situation. Please tell me if you want or don't want something. Don't be worried about interfering or ruining the day for me. I think you were right in a previous letter (one I still have to respond to) when you said that we will be perfectly satisfied with the Temple Ceremony. That will be OUR time. The reception is mainly for our parents and friends. You keep telling me that this is my day, but it is yours too. Robert, I want you to talk with me and tell me how you are feeling. Please don't assume that I feel a certain way. If you want to know, ask me. I am a lot like my father, I don't volunteer things, but if you ask I am open and will tell you. I don't volunteer information and feelings, not because I don't want you to know them, I just don't think about it. My mother is constantly asking my dad, "What do you expect me to do, read your mind?" My father and I don't expect our minds read, in fact we'd rather one didn't try, but you almost have to. I try to verbalize how I feel, but I usually don't think to do so. I promise I am making a constant effort to change. Call it my fatal flaw if you will. This might be part of the frustration you feel. I'm sorry. It's better though that you know about this now instead of finding out about this later. Now you can decide if you still want to marry me. Look who's next to tears now. I better go and start on another message, I love you. Wanda