Reply1

Robert, With AOL I can only send you the first part of the reply. I love you. Wanda Children: let's talk more about this. I would like to have children soon, but I really think it would be easier if you finished your schooling first. How do YOU feel about this? > We definately need to TALK about this. We will be able to do so in a few short (or long) days. I am anxious to be with you again and we will soon be able to talk about it. How do *I* feel? You ask me this later on. Let me respond then. I suppose we can ask others and see what they are doing to keep from having kids until they are ready. It's beginning to sound like you want to have kids soon after we are married - so now I'm wondering how in the world we would be able to put you through school and have a family without creating some serious hardships for ourselves. >Where has the impression come from that I want kids right after we are married? What is your definition of soon? Sure I want them "soon" but soon is also a year or two. Is this not what you have said? Robert, I want children. A couple of years is not too long to wait. What I was worried about was in some instances it sounded as if you didn't care if we had children or not and wouldn't mind waiting many years. Isn't this a switch? I thought you wanted to wait 10 or 15 years and you thought I wanted to deliver when we left the ceremony. (This is exaggerated for a little levity.) We have a certain amount of knowledge granted to us - and we should utilize it. If you already know when you ovulate then we can just practice abstinence for that 24-48 hour period. That may not work in every case, but it's worth a try. I will NOT be upset when you are pregnant - regardless of when that occurs. I will be very happy about it, but I would be rather stressed about how to pay for it if we have no insurance. If we have adequate insurance then we'll be in far better shape, but if we don't then there will be some stresses that we'll have to deal with. >I volunteered this knowledge because I thought it might be of some use. You are right, it might not work in every case, but it is something WE CAN do. >I asked you if you would be angered if I were pregnant earlier than expected. To you this might seem like an off the wall question and wonder why I even bother asking it. I have known many couples who decide to wait to have children. In many cases the wife gets pregnant before they had planned. Oftentimes the husband gets mad at the wife. "How could you let this happen?" "Why did you have to get pregnant?" "You know we had decided to wait to have children." These are many of the responses. I know these are not responses YOU would give, but I wouldn't want you to feel this way either. I don't want to feel condemned for getting pregnant after we have decided to wait. I love you and I want our starting a family to be a happy time. It makes me feel loads better knowing taht you want and will be happy having children even if we are not fully prepared for them. >Getting pregnant is a scarry idea for me. It is for most women. Delivering a baby is more risky than open-heart surgery. It is very life threatening. Plus there are all the changes I will be going through. I am going to be fat. I have never done that before. There is also a good chance I will have morning sickness 24 hours a day. This is not a comforting thought. Being nauseated is the worst thing anyone can do to me. It will also be a time of trial. I don't want to get cranky and irritable. I will try to control this. I don't want to take it out on you. When my mother gets pregnant my dad calls her the "pregnant witch of the west." None of us can do anything right, especially him. My dad is really patient and understanding. He is very light-hearted and takes it with a lot of humor. I hope that I won't be this way. Even though I may feel cranky, it isn't an excuse, it's only a reason. What I am trying to say is: if I am going to be fat and sick, then the last thing I need is to feel blamed for being that way. I don't want you to get angry with me for getting pregnant. Can you see the reason I had asked that question? I am happy that you will want the child, even if it is unexpected. Wanda, I want to have a family just as you do, but I don't want