Eloping

Robert, Forget the reception. I think it is best to elope. I know what we have planned so far, and I realize that my parents have already put a lot of time into this, but I would rather elope than put up with any more of the hard times. It is just like taking the Birth Control pills. I would rather put up with throwing up than deal with the cysts. I would rather not have a nice reception if a nice reception means tension as I feel it now. Wanda PS I love you

Vital Marriages

How Do You Keep Your Marriage Vital? --more from Brent A. Barlow John Cuber and Peggy Harroff noted in their study the phenomenon that the vitality once present in many marriages has either diminished or is missing altogether. Almost all marriages start out with a high degree of hope, enthusiasm, optimism, and vitality. As young couples repeat their vows on their wedding day they epitomize such love and commitment. But, as Cuber and Harroff observed, something happens to many couples along the marital path. For one thing, it is very difficult to maintain the high degree of personal attention and romantic involvement that brought the couple together. The authors call this loss of attentiveness and interest "devitalization." The same study indicated that devitalization in marriage is usually dealt with in one of two ways. First, as previously noted, the couples may accept it as a fact of life. To them, that is just how marriage is supposed to be. Jobs, children, and outside activities such as excessive community and church involvement often become so demanding that the marriage has to be put on the back burner while either or both spouses try to meet these many obligations. Such couples usually do little to try and change the events trends, or priorities. The other way couples confront devitalization in marriage, though the vast majority of married couples experience some degree of devitalization, many are not content to let their marital relationships give way to the daily demands of life. Such couples make conscious and often creative efforts to keep each other first, even though it means making some concessions or even sacrifices in other areas. Such endeavors usually turn out to be preventative rather than corrective in nature. Has your marriage become devitalized? If so, are you accepting or fighting the devitalization? Think about it. ----------------------------------------------------------- It will probably take a few more messages to finish this section off. I hope you enjoy reading this. I feel that this can apply to us. Not that our relationship has been "devitalized," but because we can look at other marriages and realize that we CAN keep our marriage fulfilling. I think we have an exceptional chance at doing this because we love each other as much as we do. I don't think that others enter into marriage feeling as if they will lose vitality either though. I am sure though, that we will make a concerted effort to remain happy and alive. I don't think it is in either of us to just sit back and watch life happen. I think it sounds as if I am rambling, no point to my letter to you so I am going to send this one to you and start another one to reply to your last message. I love you! Wanda

Green Grass

Robert, My mother is taking advantage of my good mood and has asked me to read several books. I am really enjoying them. In this one book written by Brent A Barlow they talk of happily married couples. I want you to read this part. It is long so I will send it part by part, this way you aren't overwhelmed with all of the ideas at once. Brent A Barlow: We can learn to tolerate a marriage partner much as we would tolerate an obnoxious guest, live together in serenity with nothing more in common than cell mates in prison, or develop a love relationship from which both partners can derive genuine satisfaction. Perhaps I am an eternal optimist, but I believe the vast majority of married couples can be in the latter category if both partners choose to do so. Maybe the grass does often look greener on the other side of the marital fence. But someone once observed that the grass is greener where you water it. ----------------------------------------------------------- I feel that we have started out on a great foot. I didn't just settle for someone that I could have shared a cell block with, I chose someone who I can love for the rest of my life. We will continue to water the grass on our side of the fence which will cultivate plenty of love for each other. I have to go pick up my sisters from school so I will write more on this later and reply to your last letter. I love you, Wanda

Electrical Energy

Robert, There is a song that Doug Stone sings and everytime it is played (my brother has the CD) I think of you. Here are the stanzas: Everybody sings a different kind of song. All God's children have somewhere they belong. I've heard it said, and I know it must be true; We were meant to be, I'm made for loving you. Everybody has something he must be. Call it fortune or just call it destiny. I've spent my life making my way to you; See the way we fit, I'm made for loving you. Like blue skies always seem to go with sunshine, And just like laughter goes with good times. I've spent my life making my way to you; See the way we fit, I'm made for loving you. Robert, do you see how well we fit? You were made for me and I was made to love you. I think that we compliment each other perfectly. I LOVE YOU!!! Sorry, I'm getting mushy/cheesy. I just love you so much and I miss you. You are constantly in my thoughts and I don't want to get you out of them. When Chad and Lynne got married they had all of the older male cousins wear suitpants and then gave them bow ties and cumberbuns in the wedding colors (Royal Blue -- how funny.). They asked them to be the servers for the evening. They looked just fine. I think it would be an idea to go ahead on. Do you think it will still be cool enough to wear long sleeves? I don't think shor t sleeves will look as good. If they don't have a long sleeved shirt it wouldn't be that much trouble for them to buy one and the definately could use it later. It will still be much cheaper than renting a tux. The folder I got to keep your letters in is full. I knew that I would have to divide the quarters up, but I am even going to have to keep the letters I got from you on AOL separate. I have 40 of them and counting. Actually, after I get a letter I download it. I am going to then transfer them to a disk and print them out at Weber. Can I download the ones I have off of the vax? I haven't heard from Sean yet. That is kind of funny because he is usually good about writing back. Hmmmm. I could tell you that if you hadn't come along I would be single for a few more years, but I'm only 19 so it doesn't have the same effect. I can tell you that if I hadn't found you I don't know if I would have ever gotten married. Already at 19 I was tired of dating and didn't want to do it anymore. When you had come along I hadn't dated all quarter and it didn't bother me one bit. I couldn't find anyone that I thought would be worth marrying so why date them if I wasn't going to develop a further relationship. All it would do is bleed the guys of money. I remember going back to your apartment to watch A Few Good Men. You had told me that you enjoyed Jenn's company because you could call her up at any time and ask her to do something with you. This is a really good friendship. I wanted a friend that I knew I could spend the rest of my life with. Don't get me wrong, the guys I dated are still friends. Some of them I still keep in contact with, such as Sean. I enjoyed him as a friend, but didn't feel any physical or emotional attraction to him. He told me that he felt differently and this sometimes made me a little uneasy. I won't forget his reaction the next couple of times I saw him when I told him that I wanted to marry you (it was before everything was official.) When I think about it I realize that I have never felt the energy (electric, as you called it) that I felt/feel with you. This is what all of my other friendships/relationships were lacking. I didn't know what was lacking at the time, but I knew that they weren't marriage worthy. When I found what was missing, I held onto it, and now I have you. I love you. I am going to mail this to you and send Sean another letter, who knows maybe he has written me by now. I will find out when I log on to mail this to you. I love you. Your electrical friend, Wanda

I will always love you!!!

Robert, I think you will have more than two people attend. You could invite Dennis and Leslie and the rest of your brothers and sisters. I realize that some might not be able to make it (Shannen and Jim for example), but Dennis and Leslie live in Salt Lake. I also think it would be appropriate to have Jonathon there and maybe Melissa and Rick. I would love to have Julie and her husband come if they could make it, I haven't met them, but you seem to be real fond of Julie. I am glad that my letters settle your "troubled mind." That is what they are meant to do. I love you and I want to ease your stress any way I possibly can. You joked and asked me if my parents would like to adopt. They already have. I told you this in the letter I mailed to you, but I will tell you again here: my mother said that she feels more as if you were her son than her son-in law. She met you not too long ago and you really only had the time during the drive down to California to talk, but she loves you already, I told you she would. How could she not? After all, I love you!!! I don't know your parents as well as you do, but I DO think they are excited about us getting married (maybe because you are finally committing yourself to one girl). I just wanted to reply to another message so you can have a message to read the next time you check your mail. Isn't this funny? What a turn of events. It always used to be me that didn't have a lot of time. You always had more time than I did to write on the computer. I love it. I will send this off to you now. I love you!!! Wanda M. (Husted)

Anyone for Breakfast?

Robert, Yes, your parents were very kind and generous to let us stay with them on such short notice. As soon as we know how many people we can plan on attending the reception, then we will be able to make more and better plans. Since we don't want everyone to attend the reception, then it is a really good idea to not have it printed in the announcement. We will have separate cards to include with announcements to invite certain people. You shouldn't worry so much about people not doing their share. I know that it is hard not to worry, but we have no control over tehir actions. If someone doesn't do as expected or as we hoped, then we will take care of it. Together you and I can accomplish anything. Robert, you can't get TOO involved. Many grooms think that their advice or suggestions for a wedding/reception are unwanted. Sometimes this is the case, but not in ours. I want you to feel involved. It will help me to know that you will enjoy the reception as much as I will. Right now it is hard to plan it when we are so far apart, this is why I want to have most of it taken care of fall quarter. You said, "I just don't want to make a bad suggestion and mess anything up." Even if you made a bad suggestion, you won't mess everything up, I promise. Wedding Breakfast: My aunts didn't do their wedding breakfast, my uncles did. My mom had five brothers and my grandmother is the type that gets involved in things (sometimes a little too much). I never went to any of them. The only ones that had Temple marriages were my Uncle Mike and Aunt Barbara: they got married in Pennsylvania and later divorced, and my Aunt Lexie and Uncle Brad: I was 6 and wasn't invited. Chad and Lynne had a rehearsal dinner, I didn't go to that either, I got stuck babysitting all of the little ones. Chad and Lynne's rehearsal dinner: Chad didn't want anything fancy, so they went and ate pizza at the Spaghetti Factory at Trolley Square. My mother is right, you can have subway sandwiches delivered if you want, or you can do as Shauna did for her brother (which sounds like what your mom and dad did for Dennis). It will probably be a luncheon because the Temples do weddings early in the morning. Whatever we do should be what YOU want to do. If you want to meet at a park and send out for McDonalds, then so be it. Your first two letters went hand-in-hand so I responded to them together, I am now off to reply to your last one, I love you, Your best friend, Wanda

Counting Down

Robert, Good morning! Only 20 days until I see you. I am suprised that you started counting before I did. Actually I'm not. If you miss me anywhere near as much as I miss you, I understand. This Saturday it will only be 28 weeks until we get married. My mother and I didn't get to go to the gym yesterday. I am going to talk to her about us going on Tuesdays and Thursdays since her exercise class is on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It will even things out a bit. Hopefully since I am doing these things with her I will get into better shape. Then you and I can continue going to the gym together in the fall. I am going to have to find someone to accompany me to the gym in the winter. I do better when someone else is planning on me going, this way I don't put it off to finish doing something. I assume you don't want me to ask my old weight-lifting partner to go with me? Eric was really nice, and knew a lot about lifting weights, but he was one of the guys that I had to "turn down." I stopped lifting with him because I hurt my knee (and was on crutches) Spring quarter and it was nearly impossible to make it to the gym. If I had gone I wouldn't have done anything because my right knee hurt, my left leg was tired out from supporting my weight, my arms were tired from using the crutches. In a way I was getting a work-out from using my crutches, it took a lot out of me. Blues: Navy Blue or Royal Blue. We will have to go to a fabric store and choose the swatches ourselves because there are several different hues of each color. Whatever looks best with the shade of burgundy we choose. We are going to throw a suprise birthday party for Joey and one of his best friends. They are renting the pool at IVC (Imperial Valley College [It's nick-name is Taco Tech]). Then they are going to invite all of there friends. It will be a lot of fun. I am going to log in and see if I have a reply for you and Sean so I will end this letter now. I love you. Wanda